Legolas' SalonSpa Place
by PotatoPixy
Summary: Legolas decides to open a salonspa to share his beauty tips with the world. (Hopefully its funnier than it sounds)
1. The Add

Disclaimer: I do not own Middle Earth, Legolas, Starbucks.ect.  
  
Legolas appears on TV screens all over Middle Earth. He is seen standing in front of a Starbucks. The sign that once said Starbucks has a cheap banner that stated "Legolas' Salon/Spa Place". The freaking Starbucks lady icon thing had two triangles taped over its ears in order to make it look like an elf.  
  
"Hello! I am Legolas Greenleaf and if you haven't noticed, I am extremely attractive." Legolas says as the camera moves closer and closer to his face. "Unfortunately not everybody can be as beautiful as mwa. This sad but true fact inspired me to open my very own salon/spa called Legolas' Salon/Spa Place."  
  
The Camera focuses on the sign. Then back to Legolas who was staring at himself in a mirror fixing his hair and picking spinach out of his teeth. The camera man clears his throat to get Legolas' attention. Slightly startled, Legolas drops the mirror.  
  
"Whoops, seven year of bad luck. No worries, I am immortal. Seven years will go by just like that." Legolas struggles to snap his fingers but is failing horribly.  
  
"Anyway. This Salon/Spa place will help the ugly people of Middle Earth." (Pictures of Eowyn and Arwen flash across the screen.) However we don't promise miracles. (Pictures of Orcs, trolls, Gollum, and Gimli flash across the screen.)  
  
When the pictures are done "flashing" we see Legolas surrounded by fan girls pawning at him. "Ouch!" he screamed.  
  
"I got a lock of his hair!" squealed a fan girl.  
  
"And for that you shall die!" Legolas said as he shot her with an arrow. "Come to my Salon/Spa in the Middle Earth Mini Mall. The first 26,077,501,874 customers get a free mocha-capafrapachino- expresso-soymilk lat?." 


	2. The Grande Opening

Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas, starbucks..ect.  
  
Business was slow on opening day, probably because it was surrounded by fangirls and nobody could get it, including them. Their faces were pressed up against the window. A sign that said "NO FANGIRLS!" kept them out not to mention Legolas would shoot them if they tried anything.  
  
A girl named Rachel managed to make her way into the shop styling the same hair style as Legolas. "Um I would like a decaf mocha grande please." She said.  
  
"No fangirls." Legolas said as he sharpened his arrow.  
  
"What? Isn't this starbucks?" she asked.  
  
"No this is Legolas' Salon/Spa Place. Can't you read the sign?"  
  
"Yea, and it says starbucks."  
  
"Oh shizzle! I must have fallen" he then screamed out to the fangirls "Fix my sign and I will give you an autograph." Needless to say they all swarmed to fix it. "shouldn't you be out there with them.fangirl?" he asked Rachel.  
  
"I am not a fangirl"  
  
"Then why do you have my hair cut."  
  
"My hair is naturally straight and blonde."  
  
"Oh really, than why are your root showing?"  
  
Rachel gasped and Legolas threw her into the Salon/Spa chair. She spun around a few times then Legolas bleached her hair.  
  
"That will be $20" Legolas said.  
  
"But I didn't ask for you to bleach my hair. I just wanted a decaf mocha grande."  
  
"Well you do get a coffee thing with perchance."  
  
"Really? What do I get?"  
  
"What ever comes out of this machine." Legolas said pointing to a pot of black coffee.  
  
"This is.er.was a starbucks and all you can give me I black coffee?"  
  
"Beggars can't be choosers." Legolas said giver her the coffee along with a scroll of the rules of hair care.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Ok, so maybe this won't be funny but it leads up to the next chapter which I think is funny. 


	3. Rules of Hair Care

Disclaimer : I do not own LotR yada yada yada.  
  
Rachel walked out of the store and the fan girls all bowed down to her. "Legolas touched her. She must be the chosen one." They began to chant "chosen one"/ Unfazed by this Rachel unrolled the scroll and began to read. It said...  
  
Follow these hair care tips and MAYBE your hair will look somewhat, almost, remotely as good as mine.  
  
Your hair is your friend.  
  
Singing to your hair makes it grow faster.  
  
Mayo may make your hair soft but if you don't wash it out it begins to mold.  
  
Beware of fan girls.  
  
Use pointy ears as a hair accessory. If done right it keeps your hair perfectly in place.  
  
When shampooing always repeat.  
  
Brush your hair 102,938,475,657,584,839,392,894 times a day to ensure silkiness  
  
Beware of Eomer. He might use your hair to make a helmet.  
  
Never let a dwarf sniff, braid, touch, style over even looks at your hair.  
  
Avoid getting hair stuck in your arrows.  
  
If hair doe get stuck in arrow, do not shoot with that arrow.  
  
Never chew bubble gum on windy days.  
  
Never go swimming after bleaching unless you want your head to look like Theodens beard.  
  
When in battle avoid turning your head quickly Though it will probably nock out your enemies, your enemies are dirty which makes your hair dirty.  
  
When eating spaghetti do not mistake hair for food.  
  
Sleep standing up to maintain style.  
  
Pig tails are evil. (Just imagine Legolas in pigtails. You'll understand)  
  
Never take advice from Elrond . Knots are not the new braid.  
  
Don't brush hair with honey combs.  
  
When nancying in the snow don't let the snow look like dandruff.  
  
Never share a hat or brush with anybody with ugly hair.  
  
If you get dead end you are as good as dead.  
  
Never wash hair in ent drought.  
  
Visit Legolas' Salon/ Spa place often.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
If I get more replies I will probably continue but if not this is the end. I hope you enjoyed. 


End file.
